Q & A
Q. If you are a Pathan and you want to marry from different culture Punjabi although she is Islamic and your parents won’t allow you because of culture what would you suggest?
The first matter would be to not panic and act hastily. All too often parents are brought heart ache and agony by their child or children when they hear they have run away, eloped, secretly married or simply cut them out of their lives. Patience (sabr) is required and sincere turning to Allah (SWT) for guidance. Acute foolishness is no response of a sincere Muslim.
The second matter is that we must be very careful not to fall into double standards in that we brandish the ‘Islamic card’ that the Shari`ah allows marriage to any Muslim while at the same time we secretly indulge in unlawful contact and relationship with the person we desire to marry but have not yet married. Double standards are not the techniques of a sincere Muslim.
It is extremely important that one remain calm and composed especially if the situation is difficult as well as maintaining the utmost respect, kindness and tolerance when speaking to parents. In the long term, it is best to obtain the blessings of the parents and with this comes reward and comfort. One must also engage with the fears, arguments and concerns of the parents in a mature, understanding and sympathetic manner and pray to Allah (SWT) that hearts change for the better.
It is always advisable to seek the help and guidance of reliable scholars and professionals particularly if it has reached a rather serious and regrettable stage.
And with Allah lies all success.